I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dicks are not precious.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
