I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
