she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
