idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
