Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
