How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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