i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
