i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
