NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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