I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
