just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
