that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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