She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
