his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
