is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
