final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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