Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
