i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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