the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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