Plan B is the new Plan A
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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