you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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