I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
