Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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