how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
