i don't like sucking hair
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
