My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
