Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
