Christians are straight up FREAKS
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
