Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
