I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She said her name was "party"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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