Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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