Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
