okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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