I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
