He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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