Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just pee around me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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