im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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