Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
