Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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