PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
