I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
His nipple licking is glorious
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