He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We had to coat check the pizza.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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