U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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