I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
