community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
