i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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