I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
