The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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