How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
