wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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